Local Jokes 3

PEDRO: Anong pulutan nyo kahapon sa birthday mo?
JUAN: Pata!
PEDRO: Wow! Anong klaseng pata?
JUAN; PATA galan ng kwento!

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JINGGOY: Dad, bakit ba maalat at may asin sa dagat?
ERAP: Sinadya yan ni Lord para sa ganun hindi mapanis ang mga isda..

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ADIK: Doc, grabe yung panaginip ko gabi gabi, kasi lagi daw ako nanunuod ng basketball.
DOCTOR: Sige halika may gamot ako para dyan.
ADIK: Wag muna dok, championship game na mamaya eh!

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AMO: Kelan lang tayo bumili ng toothpick, bakit naubos agad?
MAID: Ewan ko po mam, kapag ako po ang gumamit sinosoli ko naman ah!

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TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA?
BOY# 1: Naglaba mam!
TITSER: Tama! Ano ang PRESENT TENSE?
BOY#2: Naglalaba!
TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE?
BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam!

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AMERICAN ENGLISH: Eat All You Can, don't be shy, feel at home!
IN TAGALOG: Kain lang kayo ng kain, walanghiya kayo, pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo to!

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ONLY IN THE PHILIPPINES :
1. Doctors go back to school to be nurses abroad.
2. Rats are normal house pets.
3. Soap opera is reality and news provide the dramas of life.
4. Actors make the rules and politicians provide the entertainment!

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TATAY: Bagsak ka na nman! Ba't di mo gayahin si Pedro? Palaging may honor.
ANAK:Unfair naman kung ikumpara nyo ako kay Pedro.
TATAY: Bakit naman?
ANAK: Matalino tatay nun!

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A song for our Honorable (DAW!) na Congressmen and Senators, Mayors and Governors:
"BOOM CORRUPT CORRUPT,
BOOM CORRUPT CORRUPT,
KURAKOT, KURAKOT,
BOOM BOOM BOOM!"

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INTERVIEWER: Ano ang plano nyo sa mga homeless?
ERAP: Marami, kaso may problema.
INTERVIEWER: Ano po yun?
ERAP: ang hirap nilang hanapin, kasi wala silang address.

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MGA JOB TITLES NA DAPAT NANG PALITAN:
PRESIDENT- pasimuno.
VICE PRESIDENT- kunsitidor.
SECRETARY- palsipikador.
TREASURER- kubrador.
AUDITOR- kasabwat.
PUBLIC RELATION OFFICER- tsismoso.
REPRESENTATIVES- pahamak.
SPOKESMAN- bolero.
SGT-AT-ARMS- tirador.
ADVISER- taga sulsol.
(Mas TAMA DI BAh?)

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JUAN; Tay ! Penge P20 bibili ako ng de lata.
TATAY: Anak, mga taga bukid lang ang gumagamit ng term na de lata! Englisin mo yan!
JUAN: Paano?
TATAY: KANG GUD!

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ERAP: Hello, I would like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco?
OPERATOR: Just a minute, Sir..
ERAP: Really? Thank you..

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SA RESTORAN... CUSTOMER: Waitress! Ano ba 'tong binigay mo sa akin, kape o tsaa? Lasang gas 'to ah!
WAITRESS: Kung yan ay lasang gas, Kape yan! Ang tsaa kasi lasang pintura!

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PILITA CORRALES - Asia 's Queen of Song.
LANI MISALUCHA - Asia 's Nightingale.
REGINE VELASQUEZ - Asia 's Song Bird.
GLORIA MACAPAGAL ARROYO - "Mole of Asia "

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ENRIQUE ZOBEL: half Filipino half Spanish.
HENRY SY: half Filipino half Chinese.
JUAN FLAVIER: half Filipino half Igorot.
RAUL ROCO: half Hawaiian half Polo.
JOHN OSMENA: half Filipino half Filipina.
MIKE ARROYO: half Filipino half Pork.
AI AI DELAS ALAS: half Filipino half Moon.
GMA: half...