School Jokes

Belen-making Contest

Last Christmas, there was an inter-school Belen-making contest, but it turned out to be a disaster:

La Salle joined, but later pulled out because they could find only one wise man.

Ateneo joined, but later pulled out because they could find only two wise men.

Miriam did not even bother to join. They can't even find a single virgin.

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The La Sallite and the Green Parrot

A La Sallite walks into a shop at the mall.

La Sallite: Excuse me, miss, do you have a green parrot?

Saleslady: You are a La Sallite, right?

La Sallite: (amazed) Why yes.

Saleslady: I knew it.

La Sallite: Did you know it because I wanted a green parrot?

Saleslady: No, I knew it because this is a flower shop.

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Reaction to a Lizard

This is how students from the various universities in the Philippines would react after seeing a lizard:

UST: Uy, Piticus lizardus!

UP: Ay, butiki!

Ateneo: Eek, lizard!

La Salle: Hey, La Coste!

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Birthday Party

Suppose you had a birthday party. You decided to invite the following people:

- your best friend
- a humble Atenean
- an intelligent La Sallite
- a UP student who graduated on time
- Batman and Robin
- Darna

Suddenly, the lights go out and when it goes on again, your cake is gone. The million-dollar question is:

Who took your cake?

Answer:

Your best friend. All the other guests are merely figments of your imagination.

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Golf Tournament

Simultaneous golf tournaments were held in the same country club by Ateneo and La Salle students. Consequently, they had to share the same rest rooms.

An Atenean and a La Sallite happened to use the rest room at the same time. As the Atenean was leaving, the La Sallite talked to him.

La Sallite: You're an Atenean, aren't you?

Atenean: Why, yes. How did you know?

La Sallite: Well, you did not wash your hands. We were taught early in school to wash our hands after peeing.

Atenean: Yeah? Well, we were taught early in school not to pee on our hands.

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Suicidal Sandwich

There were three friends: an Atenean, a La Sallite, and a UP student(so you know this story is fictional). Anyway, everyday, they met for lunch and ate their sandwiches.

UP: Putek!!! Peanut-butter sandwich na naman? Sawang-sawa na ako dito ah. Pag bukas, peanut butter sandwich na naman ang baon ko, magpapatiwakal na ako.

Ateneo: Darn!!! Roast beef sandwich again? I'm sick of this already. If I get another roast beef sandwich again tomorrow, I'm gonna shoot myself.

La Salle: Oh my gosh, grabe!!! Ham sandwich is my baon again. I'm so sawa with this sandwich na, ha? If my baon tomorrow is ham sandwich again, I'm gonna drive my CRV over the cliff.

The next morning, they again met for lunch, and, alas, they had the same sandwiches again.

The UP student went back to his dorm, pulled out a belt, and choked himself to death.

The Atenean went home, got a gun, and shot himself in the head.

The La Sallite drove his CRV off a cliff.

During their funeral, their mothers were interviewed:

UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya na nang peanut butter sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung pinabaon ko sa kanya.

Ateneo: If he had told me that he didn't want roast beef anymore, I wouldn't have given him roast beef.

La Salle: Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya nagpakamatay, eh siya naman yung gumagawa ng sarili niyang sandwich.

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Reaction to a Beautiful Woman

UP: Uy, ang ganda.

Ateneo: Wow, headturner.

La Salle: Hey, she's got the look.

AMA: Miss, pa-autograph.

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Reaction to a Prostitute

Atenean: Whoa, look, there's a prostitute!!!

UP Student: Uy, kalapating mababa ang lipad!!!

AMA Student: Oi, classmate!!!

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Favorite Looney Tunes Character

UP: Bugs Bunny

Ateneo: Daffy Duck

La Salle: Elmer Fudd

AMA: Marvin.... and Jolina

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Students in vehicles:

Ateneo: Get out of the f@#%$ng way!
La Salle: Oh My... can you move it please, I'm late na eh.
UST: Mama bayad oh....
UP: Sa kabila lang po ha, bawal magbaba dyan.