Why did the chicken cross the road????

1. Former President Joseph Estrada: “Binantaan ko ang manok — kapag hindi kayo nagkaisa ng iyong mga sisiw sa pagtawid... ako na mismo ang tatawid at iiwan ko kayo sa kabilang side ng kalsada.”

2. Senator Manuel Villar: “What road? C-5 or Carlos P. Garcia Avenue?”

3. Senator Panfilo Lacson: “I absolutely had nothing to do with it. My conscience is clear.”

4. Senator Manuel Villar 2: “Anong chicken?! Itik yon!”

5. Vice President Noli De Castro: “Bakit ka lilipad pa kung kaya namang maglakad na?

6. Congressman Jose De Venecia: “I will not testify even if the Senate conducts a probe on that matter. I’ve already corroborated the statement of my son who saw the chicken when it crossed the road.”

7. Senator Mar Roxas: “Pu*ang inaaaaaa! Ano bang tanong yan?! Paanong di maglalakad yon eh hindi naman siya marunong sumakay sa padyak?!”

8. First Gentleman Mike Arroyo: “I don’t care about the chicken. I am more concerned about the road. I think it needs repair. When is the bidding?”

9. Bayan Muna congressman Satur Ocampo: “Bilang protesta sa pang-aabuso sa karapatang pang-hayop ng mga multinasyonal at dayuhang korporasyong katulad ng KFC, Texas Chicken, Kenny Rogers, at McDonald’s.”

10. Broadcaster Ted Failon: “The chicken was having some problems. It tried to commit suicide by crossing that very dangerous road.”

11. Quezon City Police Officer: “We’re not sure yet if it crossed the road or not. The path where it allegedly crossed was apparently cleaned up, thereby contaminating the evidence.”

12. ABS-CBN: “Let us respect the privacy of the chicken.”

13. Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez: “That chicken is crazy!”

14. Senator Richard Gordon: “I was able to talk to someone from the other side of the road and he confirmed that they’re holding the chicken hostage. There’s proof of life.”

15: Defense Secretary Gilbert Teodoro: “The good senator is endangering the life of the chicken. He should let the task force do the talking.”

16. Brother Eddie Villanueva: “Jeremiah Chapter 9, Verse 10: I will weep for the mountains and wail for the desert pastures. For they are desolate and empty of life; the lowing of cattle is heard no more; the birds and wild animals all have fled.”

17. HK Magazine columnist Chip Tsao: “You’re a nation of chickens!”

18. Public Attorney’s Office chief Persida Rueda-Acosta: “Why not? It has served its minimum sentence. Allow it to walk free!”

19: Subic rape victim Suzette “Nicole” Nicolas: “To marry!”

20. Alabang Boys: “To parteE!”

21: Pampanga Governor Ed Panlilio: “To quarry!”

22. DoJ State Prosecutor John Resado: “I will answer that question if you deposit 1.6 million pesos to my BDO account.”

23. Fashion designer Boyet Fajardo: “Mga leche kayo! Hindi n’yo ako kilala? Ako si Boyet Fajardo! Fashion designer ako, hindi sabungero! At yang put*ng-inang manok na yan walang kuwentang hayop!”

24. Pambansang kamao Manny Pacquiao: “ABS-CBN lawyers made the chicken do it, you know.”

25. Actress Annabelle Rama: “Ang kapal ng mukha ng manok na yan. Matapos kong bigyan ng patuka, siniraan pa ako sa mga alaga kong sisiw! Idedemanda ko siya! At sasampal-sampalin ko pa pag nakita ko! Sinimulan n’ya yan... tatapusin ko!”

26. TV executive Wilma Galvante: “I helped the chicken cross the road, yes, but I categorically deny asking for eggs in return. Hindi kami nasusuhulan dito.”

27. Dr. Hayden Kho: “I am not exactly sure why, but I do have proof that the chicken crossed the road. I videotaped it secretly.”

28. Dr. Vicki Belo: “I told the chicken: If you want to look like Piolo Pascual or Dingdong Dantes, stay with Belo. But if you want to look like Boy Abunda, go to the other side of the road.”

29. Madam Auring: “Nakikita ko... nararamdaman ko... gaganda ang buhay ng chicken this year. Mangingitlog pa siya nang marami.”

30. Imelda Marcos: I told my beloved husband to asphalt the road during our time.

31. Kris Aquino: That chicken is getting on my nerves na. Kaka-inis! It's blocking my SUV on the way to ABS. Na-angry tuloy si Josh. What's the deal ba with you, chicken?

32. Piolo Pascual: Unless Kenny Rogers Roasters, I typically don't like chicks.

33. Bayani Fernando: yan ayung nakawala nung inaalis namin ang mga illegal chicken vendors dyan sa EDSA

34. Cherie Gil: Coz its running away from a second rate trying hard copycat

35. Mayor Rodrigo Duterte: binabalaan kita. P&t@ng In#! pag-tumawid ka at may dala kang droga. iihawin kita!

36. Speaker Prospero Nograles: its preposterous, it will first pass through as a House Resolution, you know if its the will of the majority then the chicken will cross the road.

37. Miriam Defensor-Santiago: Why are we even having a talk about a stupid chicken? That chicken is dull, anserine, foolish, cretin, ignoramus, imbecile, simpleton, or otherwise known as stupid. Because it can't engage in a colloquy with more intelligent chickens. I eat chicken feet for breakfast. HAHAHA! I actually love the chicken. I lied!

38. Abu Parad, Abu Sayaff commander: Nasa amin na ang manok. hostage na namin!

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PART 2


1. Kuya Kim Atienza: Alam n'yo ba na ang chicken ay may dalawang paa? Alam n'yo ba na kahit umu-ulan ng malakas ay hindi n'ya kayang lumipad ng mataas? Kaya tumawid na lamang ang chicken dahil alam niya ang buhay ng ibon ay weather-weather lang.

2. Melanie Marquez: Because it has long legged and... (telephone rings) wait somebodys in the phone… Hello? For a while. Please hang yourself.

3. Boy Abunda: Ang saloobin ng manok sa buong kaganapan ibubulgar mamaya live sa Da Buzz!!

4. Bong Revilla: Dahil siya'y anak ng teteng

5. Nora Aunor: Walang himala! my chicken is not a pig!!!

6. Robert Jaworski: Chito, this is you, Rudy, this is you, Dondon, this is you. guys pagtawid ng chicken pasa agad sa kanya ang bola.

7. Mike Enriquez: Alamin natin ang dahilan ng pagtawid mula sa ating Saksi! Pasok!

8. Gus Abelgas: Sa puntong ito tumawid na ang manok sa lansangan batay na rin sa resulta ng forensic examination na ginawa ng QCPD SOCO.

9. Lolit Solis: Teka, babati muna ako. Hello kay Dr. Vicky Belo, kay Ditas Magno, kay Papa Jesse Ejercito, kay Senator Manny Villar, kay Ronnie Carrasco, kay Gorgy Rula, kay Cong. Jules Ledesma at saka kay... (Commercial break)

10. Manoling Morato: You know maggie, ngayon eto, more than P300-million ang jackpot prize ng 6/45 lotto draw natin, ayan pati manok tatawid lang ng calzada para lang pumila sa ating lotto outlets.

11. Chiz Escudero : Upang makita niya ang tunay na kahalgahan ng pagtitimbang sa pagitan ng dalawang anggulo. Ito ay malinaw na pag papakita na ang mundo ay ginawa hindi lamang para sa isang panig kung hindi para sa nakararami. Masasabing matalino ang manok na ito dahil napagtanto niya ang balanseng pananaw sa mga isyu sa panahon ngayon. (nose bleed)

12. Manolo Quezon: now why did the chicken cross the road? the answer lies in our history, lets look back in 1904 when the Americans came and introduced a new road system to the philippines.

13. President Marcos: In the interest of national security and public order i hereby sign Presidential Decree 1083 authorizing chickens to cross the street.

14. President Cory Aquino:''If only Ninoy were alive today, he would be able to explain why."

15. President Fidel Ramos: "Yes the chicken can, Philippines 2000."

16: President GMA: This administration has put in place the infrastructure which has enabled the chicken to cross our road network in record time.

17. Angelina: because he's such a loser yaya!!! Yaya: ay tumegil ka nga dyan!!

18. Senator Ping Lacson: I have asked a foreign group to authenticate the taxonomic classification and exact specie of that animal which we all know had crossed the road. No doubt, it was indeed a chicken and I will prove it beyond any doubt in due time.

19. Agriculture Secretary Arthur Yap: Our department has a pending investigation as to how that chicken escaped and from what poultry farm it came, but rest assured that its alleged escape or crossing that road will not affect the production or supply of eggs nationwide and prices will
remain stable.

20. Health Secretary Francisco Duque: It's not true the rumors that the alleged chicken crossed the road because it was sick with the bird flu, so it will not endanger public health. Let us continue to eat Philippine chickens!

21. AFP chief of staff General Yano: Our forces are prepared for any eventuality that the chicken might cross the road again.