Tawa muna 2

Boy: Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa
klase!

Nanay: Bat mo naman nasabi? Marami ka ba nasagot na tama?

Boy: Hindi naman ‘Nay! Nung ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa
klase. Ang tinuro ni ma'am

yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako ‘Nay!





"TEACHER: Class draw a fish..!

CLASS: Yes ma'am!

TEACHER: Pedro, why is ur
drawing very dirty..?

PEDRO: Ma'am, bagoong po yan."




Tanga: kamusta yung exam mo.

Bobo: wala ako nasagutan, blanko yung papel ko. Ikaw?

Tanga: naku, blangko din yung papel ko, baka sabihin ni titser,

nagkopyahan tayo






"Pulis at Intsik:

Pulis: boss konting abuloy lang, may namatay na pulis.

Intsik: ako malaki migay amuloy masta alaw-alaw melon pulis paktay

oke.."





"May bagong kasal:

MRS: Honey malapit na tayong maging 3 dito sa bahay

MR: Talaga honey? Pinasaya mo ako sa balita mo

MRS: Oo dito na titira ang nanay ko!"






"Man1: Away kami ni misis, nag-Historical siya

Man2: Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay nag-Hysterical

Man1: Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng kasalanan ko!"






"PASYENTE: Dok. . . Ninenerbyos po ako! First operation ko po ito. . .

DOK: Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo. . .Kasi ikaw rin ang una kong

pasyente"





"WIFE: maghiwalay na tayo!

MAN: ok,akin ang bahay!

WIFE: akin ang farm!

MAN: akin ang kotse!

WIFE: ah pero akin driver

MAN: pwes, magkakamatayan tyo, MATAGAL NA SIYANG AKIN!"





"Mrs: hoy!Tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magastos

Mr: Ikaw make-up mo ang magastos

Mrs: Nagpapaganda ako para syo

Mr: Ako umiinom naman para gumanda ka!"





REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na

po ang next step ninyo??

Police: DNA na...

REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???

Police: "Di Namin Alam "





A black baby is given a pair of wings by a fairy..

BABY: Does this mean I am an angel???

FAIRY: (laughs) of course not! tong negrang to! ambisyosa! PANIKI ka!!





In a party, a handsome guy approached a girl and asked; are you going to

dance??

The girl felt so happy that someone finally asked her and she said;

"yes" and the guys said "that's good, can I have your
chair??"





"Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano

ANAK: Tay! Krus! Ang laking krus!

TATAY(Binatukan ang anak): Nakita mo ng krus eh! Lumuhod tayo!"





Employee: boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun pwesto sa manager

natin na kamamatay lang?

Boss: ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya, ewan ko lang kung

papayag ang punerarya





bobo1: Pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa ang lipad?

bobo2: hindi eh! ano ba pare?

bobo1: Lowbat pare! Lowbat!



Bush visited the Philippines
and Erap acted as his translator:

Bush: "Lets help one another..."

Erap: "Tayo'y magtulungan. .."

Bush: "...let's strive together..."

Erap: "...tayo'y magsikap..."

Bush: "...because in union there is strength."

Erap: "...dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!"



Bongbong -- Pare sinong idol mo?

Chavit--Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Bongbong-- Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.

Chavit --Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol ko.



Erap writing on a slum book:

Favorite Actor:

Arnold
Scharzene... ... (erase)

Arnold
Schwarze... ... (erase)

Arnold
Schwarzz... ... (erase)

Arnold
Shwazenne... . ..(erase)

Arnold
Shwazenner.. . ..(erase)

Arnold
Shwarzenneg. . ..(erase)

Arnold
Schchwarzenne. .. (erase)

Arnold
Clavio



Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka


Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre ~ sundutin mo
tonsils mo (pare 1 sinundot
ang tonsils ..)


Pare 1: Di pa rin e Pare 2: Hmmmmm ...
sundutin mo pwet mo (pare 1
sinundot

ang pwet ...)


Pare 1: Wala pa rin


Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo ule isundot sa bibig
mo ... pag hindi ka pa
masuka nyan ewan ko na!



Sa isang ospital...

Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?

Doc : Che-chemo, lola.

Lola : **** mo rin! Bastos ka! walang modo!



Holduper: Pili ka, wallet mo o pasabugin utak mo?

Biktima: Ikaw na bahala..bastaa pareho po yan walang laman!



Pare1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? wala ka pa

bang napupusuan?

Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang!

(nyahahahaha! )



Sa isang mumurahing airline:

Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner?

Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices?

Stewardess: 'Yes' or 'No' lang po.




A Filipino, a German and a Pakistani got
arrested consuming alcohol

which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so for the
terrible crime

they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.





As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: "It's

my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of

you one wish before your whipping."



The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:

"Please tie a pillow to my back."



This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German
had to

be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.





The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said

smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."



But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was
also

led away whimpering loudly.





The Filipino was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the

Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from one of most beautiful part

of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For

this, you may have two wishes!"



"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Filipino

replied.



"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not

20, but 100 lashes."



"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also

very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.



"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.



"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked.



Filipino
smiled and
said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!!





****************** The End ******************